


sick and tired

by icantbelieveiamdoingthis



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Not A Fix-It, like at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 16:55:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17429831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantbelieveiamdoingthis/pseuds/icantbelieveiamdoingthis
Summary: it goes without saying that this is fanfiction, work of imagination, and it has nothing to do with real life ( as i don't know them and i highly doubt you do!), so don't @ me your insults, i dont care.i am italian so my english grammar leaves a lot to be desired so i am sorry for that.





	sick and tired

She was annoyed in a way that, she was sure, radiated off her. Tapping her right foot on the ground, another Ilderton skater passed through, staring at her as if she was some rare tropical fish.

She had compromised with herself, that since she had been the one to request this meeting and talk, she could meet him halfway. Halfway being meeting at the Ilderton skating rink, and Scott, should be able to make the freaking ten minutes’ walk from his house or the five minutes it took him driving.

She shook her head and looked again at the time on her cell phone. 35 minutes and counting.

She knew she would be waiting, he was never the one to be on time, but for god’s sake, this was getting ridiculous!

A year ago, hell three ago, she would have been worried herself sick with anxiety at what could have happened, but now she was simply annoyed.

40 minutes and counting. Damn him! the skater was finally leaving. She was sure he would not dare come over to ask for freaking pictures, her expression made sure of it. If looks could kill, Tessa would be a mass murderer by now. Stupid damn hellhole of a small town filled with hillbillies and rednecks. To be clear, at the party, she was not feeling like this, at all, but this past two months had opened her eyes in ways she didn’t think it possible.

She sighed, again. She hated waiting. She had done twenty-one years of fucking waiting. She was done waiting after this meeting, which was more of the informative kind, then a real discussion on the future. There would be no future. There would be no fixing this.  

At 53 minutes he dares walking in, spouting excuses and fake apologies (but what else is new?!), and as he seats next to her, he has the gall to ask “what’s up?”

“You are late. 53 minutes and 32 seconds late. I set the timer, this must be a new record” she said while showing his the app on her phone “I suppose you either forgot, or you didn’t exactly care for any of this…”

“Tess, I am…”

“Sorry.  Yes, I am sure you are. I am not here for that. I don’t give a damn about your apologies. I really don’t. I am not here to fight. The thing is that I am tired Scott, like seriously mentally exhausted. I gave everything that I had to this partnership, but now, I don’t have anything left to give.”

He looked confused then. “I don’t understand, Tess, I… we….”

“Please, you are not stupid. Although you do make a habit of behaving like one, and why you choose to do so it’s your business, but ok, I’ll bite. Ready?” she then turned fully towards him, looking at him straight in the eyes “I am afraid I am all out of fucks to give. Does that clear things up for you?”

She then turned back and looked straight at the familiar ice rink.

For more than a minute Scott was doing his best impression of a fish out of water,  he never heard anything other than proper out of her. And now she was cussing him out. And the sarcasm and anger that radiated off of her were new. And then a thought came to mind “Tess if this is about the podcast…”

Right then she looked at him and started laughing like it was all a joke.

“Oh, yes, what a wonderful example to set for young athletes, as you were tipsy, if not totally drunk; on a Wednesday afternoon, babbling away like you had no worry in the world. A somewhat official podcast, even if it in the land of idiotic magats…”

The way she said it felt like an insult to him, so he growled: “Don’t use that word!”

“Well why not? Isn’t that what they are? Idiots of the first category, in my book. But we are digressing here.”

“ she is not a…” he reiterated shaking his head feeling a duty to protect “her”. But Tess didn’t even ear him.

"There you were, drunk, blubbering away, and the only question that could have saved the interview: ”what annoys you the most about the ice dancing world”, you didn’t point out the isu, or the scoring, or the blatant bias, the athletes and what they have to go through, the sacrifices they face, physically and mentally, no;  no, you, unsolicited might I add,  brought up our relationship or lack thereof as the case may have been, making an annoyed, offhanded comment on how the speculations annoyed you. Then, the brilliance of it all with you serenade to PC with how great they are. If I did not know before that your brain had gone on vacation, I knew then.

You really want to destroy everything that we have worked towards, everything that I have sacrificed, don’t you? You have shit on our reputation, why not shit on everything else. What you do falls on me too, Scott, and I’ll be damned if I let you ruin it all.”

She took a deep breath.

Scott looked a mix between mortified and angry, she didn’t exactly know which, but she didn’t care. He had done this to them. He doesn’t get to play the victim card here, she decided.

“I have a plan, Scott. For the future. Most of all, I thought you’d be part of it, but now, no. I used to be excited to see you, but now, I am disgusted. By everything. By this rink, by you, some of our precious “friends”. I used to think about your family as mine, but now… they helped you lie to me to my face. You blindsided me. And since it's been a while since I have heard from you, like at all, and you or Cara couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge publicly, milestones, of OUR career or OUR partnership,  I came to the conclusion, that you don’t give a fuck about anything anymore. The speech at the walk of fame was a total and absolute BS as far as I am concerned.

The kicker of it all is you bring a still married woman, and somehow I am the one that ends up getting the insults because some people think that it’s my fault like a pointed a gun at you and I yelled GO FUCK HER!. I don't determine what you do with your life. You do. your choices brought you here. Life doesn't just happen to you, oh poor little Scott. Your direct actions are responsible for all of this and I refuse to take responsibility for your behavior! I wonder what those people would say if they knew the truth! It has always been like this, and I am sick and tired of it Scott! “

She continued.

“I will never regret the last two years, but my legs are tired. I think that when we announce our retirement we should announce our separation, or divorce if you get my drift.” She said again sarcastically.

Scott looked up to her in shock. Wait. What? “Tessa, how….but we… the tour….”

What tour? Who is going to come and see us? who is going to accompanying us? Who is spending money to see us? How many cities? Would you and her have your own bus, or do you propose we “shack up”? There is not going to be a tour, and for me, it’s not going to be a sound investment, financially, physically or mentally… but hey, if you want you can train her up to try the goose, I would totally pay to see that!” she said sarcastically.

She looked at him, and she knew that he was now overwhelmed, possibly feeling blindsided and betrayed. She smirked.

“So, Scott how does it feel when the rug gets pulled out from under your feet? Painful isn’t it?”

He shook his head in denial. Tessa wasn’t mean, she always had been gentle, if not forgiving. “That’s mean and unfair and how dare…” she cut him off immediately

“Yes it is, mean and unfair, but I don’t care anymore. I am done. I could not be more done right now, even if I had a flashing sign behind me saying I am seriously done. I am getting off the merry go around. Now I am not expecting a text, or a public acknowledge on the anniversary from you, but I am going to say something, for at least all the people that, with great sacrifice carried us there. Do not take that as anything more than it is.  There’s the photoshoot and In March we will announce it and we are going to have to stand together in the same room.”

“You think you will be up to it?” he asked sarcastically

“Don’t you dare get sarcastic with me, you don’t have the right, not after everything…"

“You are never going to get past this are you?”

“What gave you that idea? And why should I? you lied to me repeatedly, you had your, our, friends lie to me for you and your family.... not only I am not going to get past it, I am never ever going to forgive you for it! Ever. Standing here with you it nauseates me, so no.”

“you can’t do this Tess, and you know it, we had an agreement…we had plans, we said we would still be….”

“conversations in passing and then once mentioned during an interview, a valid contract does not make, and if you still drag your feet, I will bury you in so much paperwork, that you’ll come out if it by the end of 2031. Possibly see if you can skate with her, I am sure it’ll be delightful to see…”

“Stop! Stop! Stop! You are the one that said no, you are the one that shut me out, I didn’t….

“I asked for time, you didn’t wait a month to move on, you waited what a week? My God, in the face of your supposed eternal love for me, you couldn’t wait a week! How much love could it have been? I have waited for you, for over twenty years, I am done waiting. You walked out again, and that is your prerogative, but don’t you dare BS me.”

“how…..” he was in disbelief. Wait. Stop. What?

Undeterred she continued again not giving him time to answer. Communication time was over as far as she was concerned.

“I mean, to be honest, I was ready to give up that day but out of the blue you went to play Golf, and…. I know better now…”

“TESS please let me…”

She turned towards him again

“Look at me, try to follow my lips, there is no more Olympics, there is no more shows, no more tours, I am done, not with skating, but with you, in ways, you can’t imagine. I could have dealt with the truth; I cannot cope with your lies. Not anymore. I am done.”

She looked again at the rink, full of what she could hope at some point in the future to say, good memories.  Right now, she felt like it were all a bunch of lies.

“I don’t know what to say….” He said as he looked at her getting up from the seat, and put on her hat and mittens.

“Nothing now would be preferable. There is nothing you can say or do, that is going to fix this.” She looked at him “ don’t think for one second that this isn’t difficult for me. It’s gut-wrenching. I am expecting my hair to turn white altogether at any moment; I already had more migraine attacks in these last two months than in the last three years. I don’t enjoy doing this. I don’t like this, but it what it is.”

He did not know what to say to her, to stop her to stop this thing that he had put in motion. So he panicked. He cringed after hearing himself speak “I miss you….”

She chuckled at that.

“You don’t miss me, you miss the idea of me and don’t give me BS, you lived your life without me for a month, in Florida, God help you, in the land of orange people and golf carts…Please do me a favor, until March. Can you refrain from stupid behavior, because you might have not noticed,  I am not defending or deflecting for your behavior anymore. From now on, you are on your own. Shit that comes out of your mouth will reflect on you alone. So please think! And stop messing around on social media, you look like a coward.” She said while fishing her car keys from her bag.  “Until March, Scott! You owe me that much. Don’t let me down… Again…” and with that she started walking toward the parking lot exits, leaving him sitting on a plastic chair.

The only noise that he heard was the click-clack of her boots, and after a few seconds, he heard them fainter and fainter, until he knew he was alone. Again.

After exiting the ice rink, Tessa made her way towards her car. On the first step, after going down the two steps, a familiar pain on the left leg startled her. Nerves and muscles cramping up the leg to a point that she could not extend it. She very slowly and carefully made her way to her car door. Sitting on the driver seat, she tried to extend her painful leg, to a point where full tears came out. But she knew the deal by now. After a few minutes, the pain subsided. And when it did, she turned the engine on, and carefully drove out the parking lot, to turn on the road, when a familiar person was entering the rink in search of Scott.

He. Had. Brought. Her. Along. To wait for him in the car. Now she was sure as of the why he was late.

If she had any doubts before, she was now a hundred percent sure of her decision.

And there was another issue, that she could have talked to him about, but it felt useless.

Scott, in his incredible way of saying things and doing the opposite, could never stand to see her in pain. He preferred not to see her at all. And she knew that she would struggle with the department syndrome for years to come, and she was mathematically sure that he wouldn’t be able to stand next to her as she needed. He would break her heart all over again had they fixed things to a point of being together. Of this, now she was sure.

She sighed.

_Tout passe, tout casse, tout lasse_

She thought. If only the fans, that still believed in a fairytale ending for VirtueMoir,  knew how incredibly unromantic this was for her. How incredibly unforgivable, betrayal was to her. She had never been able to forgive it. Never. Just ask her dad (whom she was reconnecting only lately), ask Marina Zueva, how many times had she called her old coach (Just a hint… none). Scott used to know that about her.

She sighed and drove home to her pristine piece of heaven. And thank God for that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> to be honest, you could be the most handsome man in the world, with a big butt (I don't like personally. de gustibus.), but your girlfriend is maga, there is a pretty good chance you are one too, that makes that said man, not attractive but more disgusting than anything. any reference to real people are purely casual.  
> if you have read this and unfortunately for you-you are one of the orange people, don't @ me, I don't care!


End file.
